‘I’m not a mother mother’: Sreeleela on adopting three children at 24 and redefining motherhood; what it really means to adopt young

Conversations around motherhood are often boxed into narrow definitions: biological timelines, traditional family structures, or the idea that caregiving must look a certain way to be valid. But real-life experiences are often more layered. Adoption, especially at a young age, challenges many assumptions people hold about readiness, responsibility, and what it means to show up emotionally for a child.

Reflecting on her experience of adopting three children by the age of 24, Sreeleela spoke candidly about how deeply personal the journey has been. She shared, “I fall short of words and get jittery when I talk about it. But it’s taken care of,” adding, “I’m not a mother mother because there’s an entirely different story to that.”

She also explained how the decision came about: “It was a film (Kiss in 2019) I did early on in my career in Kannada that my director decided to take me to an ashram. The kids live there. We speak on the phone, and I keep visiting them there.”

For a long time, she chose to keep this part of her life private. “It was a secret for the longest time,” she said, noting that the institution later encouraged her to speak about it. “I don’t want to be given credit for anything, but I want people to start looking in that direction.”

When someone chooses to take on a caregiving role early in life, the questions are rarely just logistical. There is the emotional weight of attachment, distance, guilt, love, and the constant negotiation between personal ambition and parental responsibility. These complexities become even more pronounced when children are not physically present every day, yet remain central to one’s emotional life.

Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, tells indianexpress.com, “Young adoptive caregivers often face layered emotional challenges that go beyond parenting itself, especially in the Indian social context. One of the most common struggles is social invalidation — their caregiving is frequently questioned, compared to biological parenting, or treated as ‘less natural.’ This can lead to self-doubt, guilt, and the constant pressure to prove competence.”

Immediate family reactions play a significant role, she adds. “Deeply rooted beliefs around bloodline, caste, inheritance, and legacy may lead to subtle resistance, unsolicited advice, or emotional distancing. Even well-meaning relatives may undermine boundaries, making caregivers feel unsupported or isolated. “

Internally, Khangarot says, young caregivers often struggle to balance career ambitions and personal identity with the desire to be physically and emotionally present for their child, especially when adoption is seen as a “choice” rather than a necessity. This tension can create chronic guilt, exhaustion, and fear of not doing “enough,” emotionally or socially, for their child.

People considering adoption need to prepare for the long-term emotional realities of caregiving, not just the initial decision. Khangarot explains, “This includes understanding that attachment takes time, that children may carry early loss or trauma, and that parenting will involve ongoing emotional labour. Prospective caregivers benefit from reflecting on their own expectations, coping styles, and beliefs around family and belonging. It is also important to anticipate social reactions and questions, especially within extended families, and to build emotional resilience around them.”

Preparing mentally involves strengthening regulation skills, accepting uncertainty, and committing to learning as the child grows. “Support systems, self-reflection, and adoption-informed counselling can help caregivers remain steady, emotionally available, and responsive over the years,” concludes the expert.