‘They were not mine’: Vinod Khanna’s second wife Kavita reveals she never attempted to take on the role of Akshaye and Rahul’s mother; expert on why this is beneficial

Kavita Khanna’s approach to step-parenting highlights why boundaries matter (Source: X/@kavitavkhanna)

Blended families often come with unspoken expectations, especially around roles, boundaries, and emotional responsibility. In a recent interview, Kavita Khanna spoke candidly about navigating these dynamics after marrying the late actor Vinod Khanna in 1990. Vinod was previously married to Geetanjali Khanna, with whom he had two sons, Rahul and Akshaye Khanna, before their separation in 1985 following his deep involvement with spiritual guru Osho. After her marriage, Kavita and Vinod had two children, Sakshi and Shraddha Khanna.

Reflecting on her relationship with Vinod Khanna’s sons from his first marriage, Kavita made it clear that she was mindful of emotional boundaries from the very beginning. Speaking to Loveena Tandon, she said, “They were mine because they were Vinod’s children. They had to be mine, but they were not mine. I did not try to be a mother to them because they had the best mother they could have.” Her words capture a reality many step-parents face: caring deeply while resisting the pressure to replace an existing parent.

Kavita also addressed her equation with Vinod Khanna’s first wife, Geetanjali Khanna, emphasising mutual respect rather than rivalry. “We were very cordial. There was no discord whatsoever. There was a lot of mutual respect, and there were boundaries,” she said, pushing back against simplified narratives of blame.

She added, “We should not be conditioned by fairy tales about someone being a victim and the other one being a Cruella. These are just fairy tales. In life, when you are a sensible adult, you behave sensibly. We make the choices we make, we stick by them, and life moves on.”

Psychologist Rasshi Gurnani tells indianexpress.com, “In blended families, it can be psychologically healthy for a step-parent to avoid replacing a biological parent, especially when children are older or already emotionally bonded to their parent. From an attachment perspective, forcing a parental role can create loyalty conflicts, where children feel they are betraying their biological parent by accepting the step-parent.”

She adds that emotional balance comes from “offering care without ownership.” This means being a consistent, supportive adult while allowing the child to define the relationship at their own pace. Such restraint requires emotional maturity, empathy, and secure self-esteem, because the step-parent must tolerate emotional ambiguity without needing validation through authority or the “mother/father” label.

Clear boundaries between biological parents and step-parents provide psychological safety for children. Family systems theory posits that confusion arises when roles blur and expectations are unclear.

“When children know who is responsible for discipline, emotional caregiving, and decision-making, they experience less anxiety and internal conflict. Healthy boundaries allow children to maintain stable attachment bonds. This clarity helps them regulate emotions better and trust that adults are managing the complexity, rather than placing that burden on them,” notes Gurnani.