Plus, what to do when your job interviewer spouts off on things better left unsaid.
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Breaking Boundaries
TL;DR: My housekeeper has been working for me since 2019, a few hours every other week.
My housekeeper has been working for me since 2019, a few hours every other week. Our relationship is very good but professional: I don’t know anything about her life. Nonetheless, if she needed me outside of a work context, I would want to be there for her.
To be clear, I don’t know her immigration status, only that she is not a native English speaker. But I worry that she could be profiled if ICE came to our city. How can I intimate to her that if she were in trouble, she could call me for help or support? Should I even say anything, or would it be overstepping?
I can understand why you feel nervous about making this overture. As you describe it, you and your housekeeper have a model working relationship. There’s no confusion about what she’s being paid for (house cleaning), or about what you as her employer can expect (a clean house); there are no hidden obligations or expectations.
In this context, your offer — well-intentioned as it obviously is — is almost, by definition, “overstepping.” Telling your housekeeper that you want to provide aid and support would test your professional boundaries and complicate what has until now been a straightforward and mutually beneficial economic relationship. You run the risk of ruining the relationship, or at least of having a very awkward conversation: For all you know, she supports ICE’s deportation mandate.
But there are times when overstepping can be warranted. Strong professional boundaries are valuable to the extent that they ward off unfair and unpaid obligations between employers and employees. But we should be mindful of those boundaries preventing us from fulfilling other obligations to each other, as neighbors and members of a community.
In fact, the well-established clarity of your professional relationship makes me feel much more comfortable at the prospect of your telling her she can count on you in an emergency. Since you’ve always respected her boundaries (and she yours), she can trust that your offer of help is genuine and free of obligation — and not an attempt to insinuate yourself into her life or otherwise confuse the nature of your relationship. And in turn, you can trust that she will take your offer seriously, given that you are pushing at an otherwise sacrosanct boundary.
The catch here is that “overstepping” to offer help is not license to run roughshod over her privacy. Don’t ask about her immigration status. Keep your overture short, simple and general: “I just want you to know, if you ever need help with anything — not just work things — you can call me anytime. I mean that.” (Presumably she has your cellphone number.)
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Curated by Emma Watson
