Singer Arijit Singh and Comedian Zakir Khan recently announced retirement. (File/Representational Photo)
For the last five years, psychologist Roshni Sondhi Abbi has been seeing high achievers, namely CEOs, businessmen, athletes, executives and even senior professionals, call it quits at the peak of their careers and choose a second life. As head of psychological Services at Adayu, Fortis Gurugram, she has been helping many of them transition to a new life. Even as singer Arijit Singh or stand-up comedian Zakir Khan have pressed the pause button — one to prioritise new creative frontiers and the other to sort out health issues — many ordinary people are increasingly treading a similar path.
“People think only celebrities can afford this turning point or an early retirement. But ever since the pandemic, people have understood the need for work-life balance, are prioritising their health and well-being, travelling rather than accumulating or encashing leaves and are willing to retire early. This trend cuts across professions, strata and age groups. People are planning their work life for some bit of economic freedom and then giving it up to live on their terms, usually to pursue their passion, try out new opportunities or simply make room for simple joys of life,” says Abbi.
It’s not always a burnout
TL;DR: More often it comes from lack of stimulation after reaching the topmost rung.
What’s triggering a mid-career switch? “It’s not always burnout from the rat race. More often it comes from lack of stimulation after reaching the topmost rung. High achievers feel bored and find a misalignment of their values with their identity…they suddenly lack a sense of purpose,” says Abbi.
Dr Rajiv Mehta, vice-chairperson, psychiatry, Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, Delhi, says it has to do with saturation of achievable milestones. “We are beginning and ending careers younger. Our parents had their first home in their 50s or close to retirement. Now youngsters have everything by their 30s. By mid-40s they have it all, there are far fewer expectations. That’s when they think of breaking out and trying something new altogether to challenge their limits and look forward to newer milestones,” he explains.
How to prepare for transition into a second life
TL;DR: Since it is a pre-thought process, the second innings is always contemplated by those seeking to shift gear.
Since it is a pre-thought process, the second innings is always contemplated by those seeking to shift gear. Dr Mehta feels success needs to be taken out of the equation for a second life. “There has to be self- satisfaction; in fact, cricketers do this routinely. For something that has almost become muscle memory, I prepare mid-lifers for coming to terms with a sense of emptiness when they withdraw. I ask them to do so slowly and in a graded manner, weigh the pros and cons and finally choose the less difficult option, to continue or give up. This has to be rooted in reality as we do not want the person to collapse mentally. Two things are very important. We advise people to have an economic cushion first, then develop a clarity of purpose and finally take the plunge,” says Dr Mehta.
Build a financial backup plan of at least 12 months to allow yourself time to adjust to a lower income or explore new ventures without pressure.
The survival rulebook is to take each day as it comes as readjustment takes time. “In fact, we always leave the door open for the subject, telling them, there’s always the possibility of a comeback. Didn’t actor Vinod Khanna do films after his stint at Osho ashram? This is a security clause,” explains Dr Mehta.
Abbi always gives her subjects ample space and time before a decision. “The one drill I put them through is to be honest to themselves and share their vulnerabilities. The second is to convince them that choice is a positive thing as it resets stagnant mindsets and stokes new motivation and drive. Otherwise, most people see choice as a compromise. Third is to train them to see their career peak not as a peak from where you go downhill but a phase which can take you to higher peaks,” she says. This process has helped many mid-lifers let go of anxiety, uncertainty and matched their excitement for what they want to become.
In fact, she often teaches her subjects to set themselves up for small wins through small, structured projects in their second phase than compare it with their past success. “Acknowledge the loss of a specific role in the past. I tell people not to mistake that as their identity. That is shaped by what brings them genuine joy and fulfilment, rather than fame and accolades,” she says.
Dr Mehta advises setting new boundaries and adopting an easy-to-follow lifestyle that takes away performance pressure. “I advise my subjects to follow a stable, daily, routine which is essential to acclimatise oneself in a new life. Shift your focus from receiving attention to giving back. Begin with some volunteering or mentoring,” he says.
How to normalise a post-transition life
TL;DR: Abbi helps them to focus on the learning curve rather than expecting an instant outcome.
Most career shifters are wary of developing a new skill. Abbi helps them to focus on the learning curve rather than expecting an instant outcome. “Learn to adjust, normalise the awkward middle space. Consider some of your old skills as transferable in a new setting. For example, an entrepreneur can re-adapt old skill sets to when he chooses to become a teacher,” she says.
She has been guiding career changers against going into an overdrive and packing their new life with intense responsibilities. “That might weigh you down and seem disappointing. I have had people tell me how they lost their sense of self-worth because the vacuum created by the first life had made them feel inadequate. I tell them to look at it as a giant bowl of opportunity which they can fill. Seek the help of mental coaches or therapists to work through the identity change,” says Abbi.
Curated by Shiv Shakti Mishra
