When it comes to explaining surrogacy or alternative paths to parenthood, many parents wonder when and how to approach the topic with their children. Filmmaker Karan Johar recently opened up about the conversation he’s yet to have with his twins, Yash and Roohi, who were born via surrogacy in 2017. “Earlier, I was poetic about it and told them that you came from Dada’s heart,” he shared in a candid chat on the Soul Safar with Bhaav podcast.
He added, “Then my daughter understood the biology of it and said it is not possible, you have to come from someone’s stomach. But she never asked me more. From a very young age, they call my mother ‘mumma’. They know she’s much older, that she’s actually a grandmother. They are eight now, and the big, solid chat hasn’t happened. But I think they have an understanding. They’re not quite oblivious to it.”
Karan acknowledged that “the day is coming soon,” and he’s preparing to meet it with clarity and pride: “I think the only way I will deal with it is with complete honesty. I will explain the process to them. I’ll tell them that I’m absolutely proud of my decision. It’s not that they’ve been denied love at all. I’ve given them abundant love, love that a couple would give them. My mum and I have done that. I hope and pray they have the emotional understanding to accept it and don’t carry any baggage.”
So, at what age should parents start discussing surrogacy or non-traditional birth stories with their children?
TL;DR: Children start forming core identity structures between the ages of 3–7, known as early cognitive schema formation.
Psychologist Raashi Gurnani tells indianexpress.com, “When it comes to discussing surrogacy or non-traditional birth stories with children, the best approach is a gradual, age-appropriate disclosure rooted in developmental psychology. Children start forming core identity structures between the ages of 3–7, known as early cognitive schema formation. Around age 4 or 5, they begin to understand basic family dynamics, which makes it a gentle window to introduce the concept in simple, positive language. For example, using storybooks or metaphors like ‘a kind lady helped bring you into this world’ can plant the seed without overwhelming them.”
Best way to approach such conversations is if the child begins asking biological questions
TL;DR: By the time a child reaches 8–10 years, Gurnani explains that their cognitive flexibility improves, and they begin asking deeper biological or existential questions.
By the time a child reaches 8–10 years, Gurnani explains that their cognitive flexibility improves, and they begin asking deeper biological or existential questions. If a child, like Karan Johar’s daughter, starts asking specific questions like ‘Whose tummy was I in?’, it’s a sign they are ready for more information.
“At this stage, honesty paired with emotional safety is crucial. Instead of avoiding or sugar-coating, use truth-based narrative framing — simple, factual answers provided with emotional warmth,” notes the expert.
Creating a sense of emotional security so that children don’t feel ‘different’
TL;DR: Gurnani says, “For single parents or non-traditional families, fostering emotional resilience is key.
Gurnani says, “For single parents or non-traditional families, fostering emotional resilience is key. Children mirror the emotional climate of their caregivers. If the parent demonstrates pride, acceptance, and openness about their family structure, children internalise that as emotional safety. Normalise your story as just one of many family types, reinforcing secure attachment bonds through consistency, love, and inclusion.”
Using tools like therapy-informed storybooks, exposure to diverse families, and affirming language also builds self-concept clarity. It’s important to validate emotions and address feelings of being “different” with empathy, not correction, she adds.
Curated by Aisha Patel
